I USED TO BE FUN

 I USED TO BE FUN.

I used to do all the fun stuff and live life. 

alsfnlkanv,masv,mabsfkabf

dami ko gusto i blurt out pero bigla nag rush lahat ng thoughts sa mind ko.


when i was younger, things we're simpler.

first goal was to graduate, go to college, finish dentistry, pass the boards, be a licensed dentist.

holy shit growing up is really a trap.

i thought that once i reached the last goal, which is being a licensed dentist, it's time to celebrate.

shocker, it doesnt stop there. my god, hindi don tumigil. add mo pa the pressure soc med puts on all of us. parang everybody has a perfect life and an achiever. dude, di mo talaga ma stop self mo from comparing eh. lucky me i got way passed that phase of my life(i mean sometimes it kicks in pa din pero not so much. having a deeper relationship with God, made me grateful for whatever i have--another story to tell). 

ayun nga so there's an endless list of things to achieve. and for me, as a practicing dentist who owns her own practice(having your own practice is like managing your own business and treating patients and dealing with theeeemm at the same tiiiime, my god they don't teach you that in dental school), naging robot na ako na i keep on pushing myself to be this, be that, to have more sales, to have new certificates every year, to be a better doctor every year, to not commit any mistakes at all --tao lang ako (hello, dentistry is not an exact science, even medicine, it's not 1+1=2, treating and diagnosing is not easy). naging robot na ako in the sense na i don't even know how to have fun. i am so caught up in reaching my goals and dreams and being this person that i have in mind that i forgot who i used to be. I forgot who i was before i became Doctor ****** grabe naiiyak ako while typing. kasi this is the truth. nahihirapan na ako, i have so much aspirations and people to help hindi ko na kilala ako. kung di ko nga naisipang mag type down ng thoughts ko dito makakalimutan ko din tong nararamdaman ko, mababaon lang sa brain ko with tasks i have to do, patients and people i have to deal with, mababaon na lang ng mga bagay na kailangan kong gawin at tapusin. 

God i need therapy.


to be continued to, kasi parating na pasyente ko.

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